Oliver’s World: Shooting down UFOs

Recently, David Grusch – a former Pentagon employee – told congress that non-human biologics were recovered at crash sites. And now the idea of it being aliens is being tossed around all over the place.

Yet, there's no actual confirmation.

First off, lets go over the statement “non-human biologics.”

That does not mean a non-Earth-based creature. There is plenty of biological life that is not human. We don't know the history and details of these crashes. David Grusch himself never witnessed these crashes. There's no specification. Suppose the wreckage was dating way back to the space race, when Russia was attempting to put animals into space.

You find a crash like that, there you go – non-human biologics.

The world doesn't care. The world has other things going on. We've heard a million lies a million times with no proof.

But when it comes to aliens, I am an expert. I probably know more about aliens than anyone who claims to have seen or met one, because my claims will stem from reality. I have actually reached out to the aliens. They claim they don't exist. You can call me a liar, but why are my claims less valid than someone else’s?

Neither of us have proof.

These stories we hear about aliens are always similarly constructed, and very clever in the way they cut off further outcomes. It's a lot like how in the “Terminator” movie, the psychologist is impressed with the story told by Kyle Reese. He had to travel through time naked, so that's why he has no ray gun or other proof.

It’s a one-way trip, a way to close off evidence.

That’s great writing, because fiction can be designed that way. The aliens in any “real world” stories are always gone or are dead. The evidence remains lost, with no clear pictures. This stops further questioning, which could poke more holes in these lies.

These poor aliens always the victim of some tragedy.

The people who know the truth, based on their own speculation of reading said stories, will tell you it’s all part of a government cover-up. They will say that everyone who denies aliens is in on the conspiracy and anyone who believes in aliens has yet to find good evidence to bring to light.

Really, the bigger issue is that these government stories never come from witnesses. It’s always in the form of third person reports, it’s always secondhand. It’s files and documents being read. And "witnesses“ never seem to have been very well interviewed. Terrible questions, no follow-ups, just basic bad documentation.

It’s pretty easy to dismiss a person when they come forward, as you can talk to them, and they tell you what they’ve “seen,” and you realize how off-base they are. A piece of paper telling you what a witness said?

Yeah, that is far more convincing – and yet somehow it feels more “real.” It’s on paper, so it’s proof, right?

What would be the best evidence, of course, is for a live alien to be introduced during a press conference. But these “non-human biologics” are never alive. It's never a situation where one is being held hostage and recovered and then speaks to the world.

Or maybe they are simply in on it. This intergalactic species has traveled across the stars, overcome a steep language barrier and ultimately decided to work with Earth governments in secret. Aliens trust the government, that same government that the humans who believe in aliens do not trust.

Oh the irony, if it were true.

I really do find some joy in the idea that there's been dozens – if not hundreds – of aliens crashes on earth. How hilarious it would be if, somehow, aliens managed to bend space and travel beyond the speed of light, because they are that smart, but when they get to earth, their brakes don't work?

Have they ever successfully landed, these aliens?

Or are they like Wile E Coyote, just smashing and blowing up left and right. Or maybe these crashes are on purpose and Earth is somehow like a tall building to jump off and crashing our deserts is just a means of alien suicide.

Whatever. Either through accident or intention, these aliens don't sound very capable and actually appear rather incompetent. Which tends to be how people who believe in aliens feel about the very government they think is hiding the aliens – a government that can't do anything well, except hide aliens from us.

I think it's time we really put this all to a rest.

Let’s get everyone who has ever had an alien encounter and start interviewing them. This time, it will be different, because we'll have proper recordings and documentation. Most importantly, we'll get a psychic in the room to read their thoughts – that way we'll know who is lying.

Oliver Graves is a stand-up comic and award-winning columnist. “Oliver’s World” runs every other week in the Argus-Courier.