‘Time for the Choco Taco to go’

The Choco Taco wasn't that good.|

I’m just going to say it.

The Choco Taco wasn’t that good.

In fact, it honestly kind of sucked and it needed to go away a long time ago, and yet it’ll probably be brought back because of the backlash against its being discontinued.

Let’s go over what I’m talking about.

There is an ice cream item known as the Choco Taco. The people at Klondike sell it. Klondike sells various ice cream items, all variations of the Klondike Bar, which is ice cream sealed in a chocolate coating.

Which also kind of sucks.

Ice cream really does not work in bar form. It is not exactly a solid, at least it doesn’t stay that way long. It’s soft and can melt quickly. The bowl is a far superior place for ice cream. A cone is also fairly effective. You might be thinking, what about ice pops?

Those typically are not cream. They are a different kind of frozen treat, more water or juice based, allowing it to hold temperature longer.

Putting ice cream in a taco shape sounds like a joke. Does it come with a plate? Tacos are notorious for spilling and falling apart. From crunchy to soft tacos, it is not uncommon to have delicious extra morsels on your plate you get to finish later. An ice cream taco, surely it just drips and falls apart everywhere. Are you supposed use a spoon on the ground to scrape up any shells or drips you may have lost?

I realize this is me delving into worst-case-scenario taco eating.

It’s also being realistic.

Most everyone does not free-hand eat a taco, so why do it with an ice cream version?

Playing Devil’s advocate, I do understand the shape of a Choco Taco was meant to be fun. It’s an ice cream cone, but in taco shape. Fun. I guess making something into the shape of something else you are familiar with eating can be fun, even if it makes eating it less convenient. It’s fun to struggle and suffer, I suppose.

Can we put ice cream in pizza shape now? Is that better?

It’s time for the Choco Taco to go.

The sales likely were lower and it had its run, so goodbye. But now everyone is talking about it, and suddenly Klondike is getting attention, so now they’ll likely re-launch the Choco Taco for big sales, now that all these sad people are feeling nostalgic and saying the Choco Taco was “the best.”

If it were the best it would not be going away in the first place.

Meanwhile, Ben & Jerry’s has an entire graveyard of flavors.

I’m not making that up, they actually have a list of “retired” flavors and call it a Graveyard. For ice cream. There’s a video of an ice cream funeral.

I haven’t been able to get Turtle Soup for over 10 years, and that ice cream was actually good.

Oliver Graves is an award-winning columnist and stand-up comic. His column, Oliver’s World, runs the first and third Fridays of the month in the Argus-Courier. He can be followed at OliverGraves.com or on Facebook.

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