Pun and games in downtown Petaluma this weekend

How to get the most out of this year’s Butter & Egg Days|

The old warning about being careful what you ask for could end up applying to this weekend’s Butter and Egg Parade. Bearing the theme “It’s Always Punny in Petaluma,” this year’s parade gives linguistic carte blanche (as in blanched eggs) to every single parade participant, encouraging all comers to pour on the puns as thick as waffle-batter while dreaming up their various floats, banners, signs and other butter/egg/chicken/cow related entries.

If rumors prove true, this year’s Butter & Egg Day parade could be one of the funniest (and punniest) events in the history of the beloved annual springtime tradition. According to Noel Matthias, secretary for the Redwood Dwarf Car Association, the club’s own float is to be titled “PetaZOOMa - 68 Years of EGGcelent Racing.” On the float will be “all things racing,” including actual dwarf cars that race at the Petaluma Speedway, an array of Speedway memorabilia, a number of dwarf car drivers and their crews, and what Matthias describes as “other punny decorations and costumes.”

Word is that the Petaluma Arts Center’s entry will feature an appearance by “Vincent Van Goat,” possibly riding in one of local artist David Best’s famously ornate “art cars.”

Sounds like a combination that can’t be, um, bleat.

Saturday’s big parade, of course - per tradition rolling through the downtown area beginning at noon - is only part of the big weekend’s festivities, which extend into Sunday with a massive annual Petaluma Antique Fair. Featuring over 200 antique dealers hawking their weird and wonderful wares from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., the massive downtown market will once again kick off with the simultaneous pancake breakfast at the Masonic Hall (9 Western Ave.) from 8-11 a.m.

But that’s Sunday.

To help you prepare for Saturday’s day-long string of activities and events, here are some things you should know, some resources and tips to help you navigate through the happy madness, and a few not-so-well-known secrets that will allow you to make the most (or is that the moo-st) out of your 2019 Butter & Egg Day weekend.

FREE BUSES

It’s true, and it’s awesome. All weekend long (Saturday and Sunday, from approximately 7:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m.), Petaluma Transit is offering free bus rides to help you get into the downtown area without having to worry about closed roads and over-filled parking garages. And for those of you planning to take advantage of the area’s many bars, and the open-air Butter & Egg Day Beer Garden, it’ll be a great way to get around without risking a DUI or, as Obi Wan Kenobi once put it, “any imperial entanglements.” With the proper planning and transfer strategies, you can get from almost anywhere in town to within a ten minute walk of downtown Petaluma. Check the schedule at Transit.CityofPetaluma.net.

STORMTROOPER SIGHTINGS

Speaking of “Imperial entanglements,” be on the lookout for battalions of stormtroopers and other “Star Wars” themed characters (including a few Jedi, and a fair number of “rebel scum”) as members of the Golden Gate Garrison and Star Wars Rebel Legion (an organization of costumes “Star Wars” reenactors) provide pre-parade entertainment and photo-ops beginning around 11:15 a.m.

CLO THE COW SIGHTINGS

This is, of course, the 50th birthday of Clover’s ever-grinning Clo the Cow, who will be the parade’s Grand Marshall. In Fact, the whole “Punny in Petaluma” parade theme is inspired by Clover Sonoma’s ever-popular, pun-packed bill-boards. There is even a new exhibit of Clo memorabilia and historical artifacts on display at the Petaluma Historical Museum (“Moo-seum” for now) at 20 Fourth St. That’s a good place to find Clo, for sure, but it won’t be hard to spot her downtown, as she’ll be sure to be moo-ving around a lot on Butter and Egg Day.

LIONS CLUB BREAKFAST

There’s just nothing like eating scrambled eggs and pancakes in the morning, especially when you can do it out-of-doors, in a downtown Petaluma parking lot, in the shade of 100-year-old buildings, perched between the Petaluma River and Petaluma Blvd. (at Water St., right across from Putnam Plaza). It’s a major annual Butter & Egg Day custom, and yes, people do get there early to be the first in line. Breakfast is served from 8-11 a.m.

COWCHIP THROWING CONTEST

On Butter & Egg Day in Petaluma, you can bet that when the chips are down, it’ll only be a few seconds till another goes sailing through the air. A major annual tradition, the colorful competition takes place at 10 a.m. in front of McNear’s and the Mystic Theatre. If you’ve never seen this in action, you owe yourself the unique pleasure of watching grown humans compete to see who can throw a spray-painted cow patty farther than anyone else. And unless you want to be known as a party pooper, you might even consider trying a hand at chip-chucking yourself.

CUTEST CHICK CONTEST

Almost as popular as watching people throw cow pies (and a lot more adorable to see) is the annual Cutest Chick Contest, in which enterprising parents dress up their babies and toddlers to resemble some version of Gallus Gallus Domesticus. Though the baby-bird hybrids do sometimes conjure eye-opening visions of H.G. Wells’ “The Island of Dr. Moreau,” there’s no doubt that these are some of the most charming and delightful mutants you will ever see. The winners will get to ride in the parade, but if you want to see the pre-parade judging, be sure to be at the Kentucky Street Stage (sponsored by Petaluma Farms) near Copperfield’s Books at 10:15 a.m. sharp.

EDIBLE HAT CONTEST

Speaking of contests, here’s one that’s brand new. But if the organizers have anything to do with it, the inaugural International Edible Hat Contest will quickly become a new annual tradition too. A benefit for Food for Thought (a nonprofit that provides nutritional help to adults and children with HIV), the contest is sponsored by a group calling themselves The Edible Hatters of Petaluma. The contest will take place at 10 a.m. at the Cavanaugh Center (corner of G and 8th Streets), and will feature local judges selecting hats in a number of categories: Best Overall Adult Hat, Best Overall Child’s Hat, and others. All entries must be 75% edible by humans, and be able to retain their shape for at least five hours after the judging. That’s because the winners will get to ride on the Edible Hatters float in the parade, accompanied by other hatted contestants walking alongside. Local artist Catherine Alden has designed the float, which will be adorned with paper mache features and dozens of hand-sewn fruits and vegetables.

SOMETHING “WICKED” THIS

WAY COMES (WITH SLUSHES)

Petaluma’s Dave and Juliet Pokorny, best known for producing the electrifying monthly West Side Stories story-slam contest and the annual Wine Country Spoken Word Festival, recently announced they’d be transforming the former Bump City Bakery (on American Alley near The Big Easy) into an Amy’s Wicked Slush store. The Healdsburg-based operation has exploded (not literally, but close) in recent months, featuring ingeniously icy slushes that are the cold and sugary equivalent of donuts and deep-fried Twinkies (though healthier). The Petaluma store will not officially open till June, but to whet local appetites for what’s to come, the Pokornys tell us that the “Amy’s Wicked Slush Trailer” will be parked right near the parade route where visitors can peruse a wild and wacky gallery of foods, crafts and activities. The Wicked Slush Trailer will be operating on B Street near Ace Hardware.

CLOVER KIDS PARADE

Another lesser known but super-popular Butter & Egg Day event is the Clover Kids Parade, taking place at 11:30 a.m. (just before the actual parade), beginning at Walnut Park and travelling to the A St. parking lot. Kids dressed in elaborate outfits will sashay down the street to the cheers and applause of those waiting for the big show to begin at noon. There are those who’ve said it’s as much fun as the actual parade (and a whole lot shorter).

INDEPENDENT BOOK STORE DAY

As it so happens, this Saturday is also Independent Book Store Day (yep, it’s a thing; check out IndieBookstoreDay.com), and right in the middle of Petaluma’s busiest day, our downtown Copperfield’s Books will be partying for literacy with its own alternative celebration. There will be refreshments, book-themed merriment, and what some are calling “exclusive product,” that being things like a CD of infamous barroom writer Charles Bukowski waxing poetic on the ups-and-downs of inebriation, stickers and pins proclaiming “Fight Evil. Read Books!” and other wacky, witty, pro-reading stuff being offered in indie book shops all over the country for this one day only.

HAPPY MUSIC

It won’t be hard to find live music before, during and after the parade, and that includes inside the parade itself, where a number of marching bands and other musicians (including Petaluma Pete!) will be entertaining the masses as they walk, skips, high-step and otherwise roll on by. And there will be stages filled with local rock bands and other entertainments, running till 5 p.m. all throughout the down area. As if that isn’t enough, Jamison’s Roaring Donkey will be celebrating Butter & Egg Day with live music all afternoon, beginning at 1 p.m. with an appearance by the super-upbeat surf-pop band The Happys and the reggae-powered tunes of Irie Fuse.

DON’T FORGET THE POST-

PARADE AWARDS CEREMONY

From edible hats to flinging cowchips to cute little chicks, Butter & Egg Day does have a lot of competitions. So it’s funny that most people forget that the parade itself is one mile-long contest. Yes, the bands and floats and other entries are all being judged for creativity and other aptitudes. And once the thing is over, awards will be announced after an appropriate pause for people to go in search of food, drink and community-shared entertainment. Want to see who wins what? Make sure to be in front of the Petaluma Historical Library at 3 p.m., where the awards will be announced on the steps.

AND ONE MORE THING …

Bring sunblock. Don’t forget to hydrate. Carry canvas bags in case you you want to buy something. Wear comfortable shoes. Look for port-a-potties and don’t bother the businesses. Look both ways before crossing streets. Pace yourself. And have fun. Given all the possibilities, that last part shouldn’t be too hard.

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